This is a repost from October 6, 2010. This needs to be where I can find it because I need the reminder.
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I am in good health. I have a stable job. I have a loving family and a supportive network of friends. I have good food and more than ample shelter. I have leisure time. I live in a country of great wealth. I enjoy freedoms and liberties that others in this world do not. I am well educated. I have the ability to communicate, to walk, to run, to dance. My life overflows with an abundance of blessings great and small.
Yet when confronted with your need, I am still so selfish, so arrogant. I judge myself as somehow better than you. I tell myself, “I have made better decisions than you. I am more determined, more motivated. I work harder. And I give you so much already. So…why can’t you work harder? We share so many of these same blessings. Why do you squander yours? Why do you make excuses? Why do you waste your time? Why do I need to give up my rightful earnings for you? What have you given me?”
I will help you, yes, because that is what a decent, responsible person does. But, oh, how I will resent giving away this piece of what’s mine! It makes me downright angry.
How easy it is to pretend that I am somehow deserving of my many blessings.
And then Luke reminds me:
To whom much is given, much is required.
And Dorothy’s word’s ring out:
Love in action is harsh and dreadful when compared to love in dreams.
And Thomas says:
Peace begins when the hungry are fed.
Anger is an acid
that can do more harm to the vessel in which it stands
than to anything on which it is poured.
In the struggle rewards are few.
In the fact, I know of only two,
loving friends and living dreams.
These rewards are not so few it seems.
Peace is the work of justice indirectly,
in so far as justice removes the obstacles to peace;
but it is the work of charity (love) directly, since charity,
according to its very notion causes peace.
And Frederick shares his perspective:
Your life and my life flow into each other as wave flows into wave,
and unless there is peace and joy and freedom for you,
there can be no real peace or joy or freedom for me.
To see reality
–not as we expect it to be but as it is—
is to see that unless we live for each other
and in and through each other,
we do not really live very satisfactorily;
that there can really be life only where there really is,
in just this sense, love.
And finally the message from my teachers sinks in this thick skull of mine. I am not as bright as I sometimes think I am. My blessings are undeserved. These gifts must be shared, not begrudgingly, but with a glad heart. That is love in action. And I am slowly learning: if charity doesn’t hurt, I’m not doing it right. The sacrifice that burns also purifies.
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January 3, 2012 at 3:34 am
Dana
Wowza. This is a brilliant post– so much to ponder and consider!
I was thinking to myself today about service, especially “seva” or selfless service to others. I’m not entirely convinced that charity needs to hurt… at least not always. Am I a fool to hope that I can find a way to serve and nourish others while enriching myself instead of chipping little pieces of myself away? I sometimes feel like I’m entrenched in a pattern of giving to others but not giving back to myself. It hurts, but maybe this pain is different from the hurt that comes through true charity or seva– service that is detached from judgments, expectations, or other unsavory dynamics hidden beneath the actions…
January 3, 2012 at 3:56 am
Lunar Euphoria
Thank you, Dana. I think it’s entirely possible to find a way to serve and nourish others while enriching oneself. I’m not convinced that it needs to hurt either, but sometimes (at least for me) it does and that hurt needs to be processed. Service deattached from judgments, expectations, etc is a beautiful ideal – and some days maybe even a reality – but today, for me, it’s not. Maybe I’m just going through a martyr phase. This too shall pass!
I guess I sorta see it all like beginning a working out routine — You go through a sore muscle phase at first, but eventually if you continue to push through the discomfort your muscles you get stronger and more efficient.
January 3, 2012 at 4:04 am
Dana
Ideals are a lot less messy than real life is, right? 😉 I’ve not achieved perfect charity, either. Not even close. Most days I want everything I do to help others acknowledged in some way– with a simple thank you, but sometimes with a more passionate statement of how awesome I am. Hahaha.
I’ll be starting my real life working out again soon (after a month of being lazy and wearing pyjamas all day and night), so I have both a literal and a figurative “sore muscle” phase to look forward to. Huzzah! .
April 30, 2013 at 10:05 pm
petspeopleandlife
I wrote a long comment and it all went away. This will be short. A wonderful post here. You write very well with lots of insight, ~yvonne~
April 30, 2013 at 11:10 pm
Lunar Euphoria
Aw, I hate I missed the reading the long version of your thoughts. At any rate, thank you for the kind words.