Sometimes I think the universe conspires against me.
Remember that? Well, I have officially traded in that bit of cleverness for bewilderment. At 4:00 today, the unthinkable happened: A colleague brought me coffee, unbidden. French Vanilla coffee to be exact. That’s French vanilla, as in containing “natural flavors,” one of which quite possibly being castreum, otherwise known as beaver butt juice.
Yeah, I drank it, so?
…so questions plagued my every sip.
Why is she being nice to me?
What inspired the first person to extract the caster gland gunk from a beaver?
Why coffee? Why today?
Why would anyone think it’s a good idea to put that in a consumable product?
Who was the first person who thought this up? I bet it was a Marvin.
Did Marvin taste his beaver butt brew personally or did he deliver it to a colleague?
How many beavers died for this coffee?
How do vegetarians manage in this world?
Seriously, how? One would have to be crazy obsessed to keep from consuming animal products.
Am I becoming crazy obsessed?
Was that the tang of butt juice there?
Because I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of beaver butt juice in my beverage, I’m going to pretend to be blissfully ignorant and continue on with my sixth consecutive vegetarian day like nothing incredibly weird happened.