Why Nutters Make Me Crazy
 
 
Last week I decided that SoKaN needed a logo, so I created one…

Logo # 1 --- TA-DA!

I emailed it off with the message, “Please let me know what you think.  If you want to design something better, let me know!”

Of course what I REALLY meant was, “Look what I did! Now tell me how much you love it!”

The emails started rolling in almost immediately.  Skattur sent a revised version of the design…

Logo # 2

Beady Boop was the first to protest.  According to her, it didn’t have enough “flair.”  She wanted POW!! and she wanted SLAM!! She wanted crazy women in a bucket hanging from a tree sprouting nuts and bolts under a sky of fireworks with a man, his hair on fire, fleeing the scene while screaming for help. Then, I received an anonymous text stating, “I’m filing a formal protest.  Nutters lack representation in the logo…you knitwit.”

It appears that once again I had incited a riot.  In a futile attempt to appease the Nutters, I set out on a mission to design a logo that would make them happy.  I scoured the internet for clip art and images of all things crafty and crazy.  Nothing seemed quite right so I went to work in Paint drawing freehand a crazed squirrel.  I painstakingly did this on a laptop with a touch pad.  Many, MANY hours later I produced this masterpiece…

Logo #3

 

Meanwhile, others had taken up the challenge. Skattur produced the following logo.  It has a certain urban je ne sais quoi….

Logo 4

Then, unexpectedly, a non-SoKaN member, Zombie Slayer, contributed this fancy little number…

Logo # 5

These efforts were met with comments such as, “Nutters outnumber the KnitWits! Why should our logo have a ball of yarn??” and “Can the squirrel have a necklace and earrings?”
 
Skattur once again set to work in an attempt to appease the masses.  She presented us with….

Logo 6

Logo 6, I had to admit, had potential.  Something in it resonated with my growing need to commit a random act of violence.  BAM! SLAM! POW! SPLAT! SQUISH!!  Eureka! I’ve got it! Give the Nutter an empty eye socket and let our little yarn ball brandish the impaled eyeball prize on his needle!  I thought it was a truly inspired idea. 

A blessed little silence followed.  Then came, “Aw…I likes the squirrel” from Beady Bo Peep and “I loved the lil squirrel…with an earring” from Beady Boop.  At that point Skattur commented on how long it takes to create these things. To which came the response from Beady Boop, “I can’t figure out why it takes hours to do clipart.”  Skattur then sent out a long tutorial outlining her research methods, the copyright laws for clipart, and the finer points of Photoshop with step-by-step pictures of the process of creating an image.

Something tells me that Skattur might have been a little fed up with Beady Boop when she presented us with her next logo design…

Logo # 7

This one was loved by all except for Knitter Knazi, who demanded we get back to work on this very serious matter.
 Rainbow came back with the suggestion that perhaps the ideas could be combined.  This inspired Skattur to give us…

Logo # 8andLogo # 9

 

Suddenly, Lil Croche-E, who had insisted at the very beginning of this mess that she didn’t have any ideas, came up with an impassioned, if not impossible idea, which she exuberantly spelled out for us.  The idea involved making a photo from an unlikely camera angle of all SoKaN members cooperatively at work at once on our individual crafts. Knitter Knazi immediately dismissed that tranquil scene as impossible. The scenario made me want to cry just thinking about attempting to direct it.  I wondered to myself, “Has she been conscious at any of these meetings?? Has she been smoking Beady Boops earrings?” 

Let’s imagine for just a moment what this photo op might be like. There goes Beady Boop off to another room to riffle through her bead collection that expands exponentially each week.  There goes Nanook off to the kitchen again to sneak some wine.  And here at the table for the moment of harmonious photographic crafting bliss is Jerk with booblight firmly fixed in bosom knitting her shoelaces into her work.  Rainbow’s work cannot be seen because she’s attempting to strangle her needle, if not with the yarn, then with her knee-pit where it is lodged.  Here amid the plates of half-eaten food we have our children’s books, yes, children’s books, on knitting–not because we have children here knitting, but because the books contain patterns with language we can actually decipher (at least one of us, anyway).  And here lies the deformed beaded wiener that was supposed to be a strawberry pendant.  Shall it too be in the photograph? 

Call me a pessimist if you must, but we can’t even come to anything that remotely resembles a consensus on simple two-dimensional artwork. I am not hopeful about adding another dimension to the mix.  In short, I tell her so.  This earns me a lecture on how I shouldn’t give up when the chips are down (or something like that), which my brain immediately translates into “when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!”  Another trip to Handy Dandy anyone? I think Beady Boop might need one more bead.  Someone pass the wine. Or tell Lil Croche-E to share the earrings.

Then Lil Croche-E lets loose with a volley of ideas. This is met by a debate about what a logo is and what it should do, complete with citations and references. (I shit you not.)  

Meanwhile, Skattur comes up with a more “professional” logo…

Logo # 10

….which we all hated for different reasons. 

After a good night’s sleep, Skattur came back refreshed and delivered these ideas…

Logo # 11 A, B, & C
…followed by variations capitalizing on one of Lil Croche-E’s ideas…

Logo # 12 A

and

Logo # 12 B

 
  At this point, Knitter Knazi, who was on vacation, became tired of the 10,000 dissenting opinions.  With no apparent resolution in sight, she went beserk and threatened to use the very first logo – her personal favorite.  To hell with everyone else’s opinion!  This didn’t go over entirely well, as one might expect. On the bright side, SoKaN members were finally, finally, united over one thing — their complete outrage.

Amazingly, right after this outburst, hundreds of miles away from everyone, Knitter Knazi walked into a small bookstore and nearly ran right over a book display.  Directly in front of her eyes was the title Taking Charge of Organizational Conflict: A Guide to Managing Anger and Confrontation.  (No, I’m not making this up). She bought it, of course.

Once things calmed down a bit, Knazi made the attempt to be more diplomatic in her dealings with the Nutters.  Applying principles from her new book, she explained that the cat was very important to her.  She understood the Nutters were  revolting against the unoriginal cat and yarn motiff, so she made suggestions for ways to nutty-up the cat so the Nutters could feel they were being represented.

Skattur was immediately on the case. She produced this glorious work…

Logo # 13

…and the heavens opened and the angels sang (if only in Knazi’s head).

At tomorrow’s meeting the logo negotiations will begin anew and hopefully the issue will be resolved.  I aim to unveil the final logo in this week’s minutes.  In the mean time, whether you’re a SoKaN member or not, I invite you to cast your vote via comment below for your favorite SoKaN logo. 

(DISCLAIMER:  Please realize that your vote will likely have no impact on the final decision.  Because really, what type of self-respecting despot leaves such important decisions up to the masses?)

(Note: This whole logo fiasco may have been even worse than the chaos that ensured in “When Dancers Compete,”  a blog which may be reposted here in the near future.) 

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