Ashram Lessons: 6. Radiate Joy

Nilla Bean

Negativity is like a virus.   It infects and spreads, creating more of itself.

 

If you can’t free your voice, how do you expect to free your soul?

–Yogi Hari

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Working to cultivate joy is good for you and it’s good for the world. A natural by-product of cultivating joy is that it tends to spread to those around you. Lorne Lander refers to this as resonant empathy.  We have a natural tendency to reflect the emotional energy that others project.   If this language is too touchy-feely and woo-woo for you, hang tight while I couch it in different terms. There is empirical evidence at the cellular level that supports this idea.  In the 1980s and ‘90s a group of Italian neurophysiologists (Rizzolati, Giacomo , Lacoboni and others) discovered mirror neurons in both non-human and human primates. (Don’t monkeys make everything sound more scientific and cool?) These brain cells respond to observing behavior as if the observer is the one performing the action. In other words, if I watch you make a frowny face my own frowny face neurons fire automatically.

Now, I am the child of Nanook the Barbarian and the Angry Russian, whose battles rage as fierce as their names imply.  As you may expect given this lineage, I inherited a volatile temper.  I tend to bottle my anger and flee the scene so it won’t explode on anyone in a violent outburst. Sometimes I fail miserably and spew caustic nonsense.  Sometimes I keep it contained and the anger turns to resentment. Figuring out what to do with this surplus of negative energy has been an ongoing struggle. It may always be a challenge I have to deal with, but I think it’s worth finding peaceful solutions to the problem.

In yoga boot camp I learned a couple practices to deal with negative emotions. One practice is to replace the negative with its opposite on the emotional spectrum.  If greed is a problem, practice generosity. Give more away than you hoard.  If you find yourself depressed, work to cultivate joy. Replace the anger you have with peace.  Pretty simple idea. Trickier to do.

Two other practices we learned are raja and nada yoga. Raja yoga is meditation and I’ve written about it elsewhere (Be Quiet, Be Still). Nada yoga pertains to the power of sound. I’m a bit obsessed with this topic. I’ve devoted over a decade to studying the production of sound and resonance as it pertains to speech development, production, and disorder from the perspective of American linguists and speech-language pathologists. Nada yoga breathed new life into this discipline.  According to this belief system, everything in the cosmos is vibrating at some frequency. Even you. Pause a moment to think on that. It’s an amazing concept. There’s your own inner music, or anahata (can you catch the strains of your own personal tune?) and the vibrations that surrounds you (ahata). You can harness the energy of both through music, mantra, and chanting. If the terms mantra and chanting don’t work for you, then replace them with the metaphor that does. Mantra – what words do you repeat over and over to yourself? Are they protecting your mind from negative energy or creating more of it? Chanting  - whose words and tune are you singing?  Both will affect your mood. For example, if you’re feeling depressed then singing along to Reba McEntire’s For My Broken Heart may not do much to elevate you out of your funk. Try an inspirational or devotional song and make a joyful noise.  I’ve found U-2′s Beautiful Day works wonders for me.

How to radiate joy? First be responsible for the energy you project. Cultivate joy and it will naturally bubble over.

Ashram Lessons: 5. How to Survive an Ashram? Get Naked.

Today a guest post from one of my ashram-mates: The Little-Orphan-Annie-haired Noelle of Be The Breath.  She’s an excellent dancer and a beautiful soul. And, I’ve seen her naked…

 

Ashram Lessons: 5. How to Survive an Ashram? Get Naked.

June  17, 2011: Journal Entry 1-I’ve only been here five minutes

“…Holy crap, what the heck was I thinking? It feels as if there is no working AC. The only thing more suffocating than the lack of air circulation is the chatter of my fellow devotees. Who are these people? Seriously, who cares if you can balance your entire body on your pinky finger? I can do a kartwheel, mofo. Good freakin’ lord, what have I done? Is there really no air?”

 

June 21, 2011- Journal Entry 5-Shifting

It’s odd. For the past several days, I pleaded with the universe to let me go home. Begged, cried in the 30 degree shower, and thought my heart was turning inside out and upon itself. Yet today, something shifted. I find myself wishing I could stay forever. Why?

 

June 30, 2011: Final Ashram Journal Entry-And now it’s time to say goodbye…

“Maybe I should suggest a commune. Then we could all stay together forever. Please universe, don’t make me go home. My peace is here; my heart is here. I don’t want to leave the protection of the ashram and these beautiful soul sisters. This has been one of the most important experiences of my life.”

 

Feeling a bit schizophrenic? For several weeks in the summer of 2011, I was too. My first days as an ashram resident led me to believe that a pamphlet on the proper fitting of a straitjacket should have been included in the required reading. I suppose feelings of insanity, anger, resentment, and frustration are to be expected when you are forced to strip out of what your mind thinks and move into what your heart knows. Pre-ashram, my mind created the challenges of finding an electrical outlet for my hair straightener, hoping I was flexible enough, and wondering what character I should portray to make these yogic folks accept me. My heart, in contrast, didn’t say much prior to the ashram, and really, I didn’t even know where the heck it was. At the time, I thought it didn’t matter. Who needs a heart for yoga? I never once considered that this experience would be difficult on any emotional level.

Surprise!

I quickly learned that in order to survive an ashram experience, one must find their heart, and—what the hell— get naked.

Metaphor, my friends, metaphor.

Prior to the ashram, the prevailing question in my mind was, “Who would you like me to be?” Give me some sort of impression as to what type of person you favor, and that is the person I will be. My true heart would tell you that I am an introvert in public, but a semi-pro/fake Javanese dancing fool around friends. Every morning I repeat the fifteen names of the former Soviet Republics and their capitals to assure myself that I still have some mental dexterity (Chisinau, Moldova, etc). It devastates me when other people feel embarrassed and I worry that I will never be good enough to change the world for the better.

Lame. Weird. Too exposed. Too honest. Too vulnerable. So really, who do you want me to be? I will clothe myself in whatever will make you like me more and show no hint of who I truly am.

I learned that doesn’t work in an ashram. In an ashram, the best attire is you. If you won’t strip down to who you really are, leaving all masks, veils, and facades behind you, the kind yogi will give you a hand with the prescription of some pretty tough self reflection.

Like a weird version of Ayurvedic Survivor, where the game-like challenges are endless meditations, yogic adaptations, and digestive manipulations, we all found ourselves in a desperate fight. There was no time or place to look pretty; we were too busy surviving. There was no need to put up an illusion because as in any great struggle, the real you will eventually emerge—the good and the bad. In those first couple of days at the ashram, I would have paid any amount of money to leave, any price to not have to feel what it was to really, truly be me. I didn’t know that person and it was uncomfortable to find her, but through meditation, contemplation, and yes, digestive imbalances, there she was.

Shockingly, the real me fell in love with the yogic folks. The real me felt embraced and liked by them. My occupation didn’t matter, just as they weren’t disgusted that I wore my curly “Little Orphan Annie” hair for those two weeks (I never did find that electric outlet). We laughed and cried together, said ridiculous things and sang/chanted, but most of all, we helped each other feel an innate okay-ness, even love, in being who we really are. They saw my heart, just as I saw theirs…and those hearts were bright and beautiful. In my newly cultivated freedom to say what I really feel, I can now state that I hope that those friends know what enormous roles they played in the story of my life…you can find their names in the index. I can also now freely state that I love them and the courage they gave me to be me…naked and all (again, metaphor. This isn’t that kind of post).

So where is the lesson in all of this? There is no true lesson, only a reinforcement of common knowledge. Be you, for that is the only way to true happiness. Free yourself, as no one can do it for you. The divine is within you, so have the courage to strip away all of the labels and facades that we assign ourselves and find it. Look in the mirror and be cool with what you see. People are good and kind; this includes you. Maybe most of all, when things are hard or require strength of heart, they are most likely a powerful catalyst towards positive change. Once upon a time, I learned all of this at an ashram. I will never forget it.

 

 

Ashram Lessons: 4. Be Present

 

“Be present”…heard it before.  What does that even mean?  Here I am! How much more present can I possibly be?

Yep, physically I was there. But on and on the mind went chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter….

I really didn’t get this “be present” stuff while I was at the ashram.

And then one day I did. I just had to make time and space for it.

I first noticed the change in the classroom last fall.  Something had clicked.  My students were no longer covertly texting under the desks. They were asking questions, we were talking to each other, I had their attention and they were engaged.

What had changed? Me. It wasn’t sudden, but by degree – small shifts in perspective day-by-day. Even though I was teaching a course that was new to me, I no longer felt the need to obsessively plan and prepare lectures down to the last detail. I had stopped deciding exactly what to say and how to say it before I ever entered the room. I was no longer mapping out the class schedule in minute detail. In short, I had stopped worrying about MY performance.

No wonder my students had not been engaged.  I had not been engaged fully. I had been too worried about being competent, being prepared, being organized, getting the facts right, creating flashy slides, designing assignments. Not that these things don’t matter.  But what’s the point if you’re not fully present at the moment of delivery?

How do you cultivate joy?  Realize this: The past is fantasy. The future is fantasy.  Drop the baggage of fear, avoidance, and pretense.  Arrive in the present and embrace this moment as it is:  Perfect.

Ashram Lessons: 3. Seek Out Those Who Elevate Your Being

Pike’s Peak

The teacher who is indeed wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your mind.

–Khalil Gibran

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.

–Albert Einstein

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“Right association” is the practice of being with those who will help you elevate your being.  Elevating your being does not mean increasing your status or inflating your ego.  It means finding people who will move you closer towards bliss than you can walk alone.

Surround yourself with individuals and environments that are positive, loving, and compassionate. Can’t find these people? Then seek out individuals through the ages who have lived through the wisdom of spirit rather than the drama of ego.  Read their works!

This also means minimizing time with individuals and environments that are degrading or toxic.

And just to share a few of my ‘elevators’ this past year:

Meditations from the Mat: Daily Reflections on the Path of Yoga by Rolf Gates.

Rolf shares his interesting background and wonderful talent at translating ancient teachings into practical and modern living.  It’s parcelled into bite-sized bits that pack a punch.  It’s a great book for daily study.  In fact, it was so good I had to buy a second copy of the book mid-way through because I couldn’t wait to share it with a dear teacher.

 
The Lost Art of Compassion by Lorne Ladner

A fantastic book.  Ladner’s perspective is informed by modern Western psychology temper with Buddist tradition.  My copy is highlighted, dog-earred, water-marked, and filled with cookie crumbs – all signs that it’s good.  It has traveled with me everywhere. Thanks to Noelle of Be the Breath (another elevator) for the recommendation.

 

 

Please share what or who has elevated you this year!

Ashram Lessons: 2. Be Quiet, Be Still

Nilla Bean, in a rare moment of stillness

 Ти́ше е́дешь — да́льше бу́дешь. 

 (Translation:  The quieter you go, the further you’ll travel.)

–Russian proverb

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Be still and know that I am God.

–Psalms 46:10

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To cultivate joy it is good to begin by tending the mind’s garden. How do you get rid of those pesky weeds? Meditation works.

For two weeks at the ashram we sat in silent meditation twice a day.  Shy person that I tend to be, I had no problem with the silent part. And I can sit still. I didn’t make a peep, but my mind was anything but quiet…

 How boring. What a waste of time. I had to get out of bed before dawn for this!? That lady is guzzling her water down like a Viking.  Shouldn’t she be meditating? I thought we’d be doing more yoga! What exactly is supposed to be happening here…? What is the point of this! When I get out of here, I oughta — was that a rooster?! Hamburger!

I’m a busy, buzzy person.  I like to be doing things. When I do sit down, I’m reading, thinking, dreaming, planning, remembering, creating, wanting, needing, hoping, composing…well, you get the picture. There’s a lot going in this head.

So what does sitting around doing absolutely nothing accomplish?

Well, nothing!  Which is quite a lot.

You can observe what’s going on in your own mind when the immediate external distractions, competitions for attention, and agendas of others are eliminated.

Consider how much energy is expended on the everyday demands of family, friends, work, and various other obligations.  Be sure to factor in the electronic (e-mail, texts, TV, radios, telephones, computers) distractions….

I discovered that my mental energy was being scattered all over the place in a myriad of unproductive ways.  Furthermore, what was on my own mind was not pretty. I was a grumpy, judgmental, out of control mess – and my ego was NOT happy to see itself. After the first week of regular practice, my mind slowly began to unwind and defragment.  The key word here is began.  It was enough to recognize the value of the practice and to make the time for it in my daily routine.

Note: Time is a funny little non-thing. If looking for time you will never find it.  If you want time, you will make it.  If the path of mastery is defined by where you direct your attention, it’s a good practice to take stock of where your attention is and where is it not.

Ashram Lessons: 1. Cultivate Joy

Cultivating compassion and joy is not a linear process; it’s organic, like growing flowers.  If you work regularly at decreasing your compulsive desires and narcissism gradually you will see beautiful results.

–Lorne Ladner, The Lost Art of Compassion

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 Last June, I spent two weeks deconstructing at an ashram.  On the surface, the ashram experience seemed a nightmare.  Group constipation, perpetual cravings for hamburgers, and sleep deprivation combined with withdrawal from various vices, hard work, heat, and allergic reactions.  (See Poo-poo Tea at the Ashram and Ashram Adventures for a recap of those fun details.)

Beneath that muck, seeds of joy were being planted.  Several lifetimes of lessons were condensed into those two weeks.  It was a lot to processes. I’m still working to understand what I learned and to apply it to daily life.  (For more on that end, see A Heart Flung Open and Knowing by Doing.)

And here is but one of the many lessons I learned from the experience: Beauty will unfold day by day when you work to tend the garden.

Book Review: More than a Hobby

Over the years I’ve found myself repeatedly standing in line at Hobby Lobby (or “Handy Dandy” as Mom refers to it), with my arms full of yarn, Styrofoam heads, and cinnamon Scripture Mints. As I wait, I entertain myself by scoping out what’s in other people’s baskets and imagining what they plan to do with the stuff. When I’ve exhausted those possibilities I scan the odd assortment of merchandise surrounding the checkout line. This inevitably leads to me finding David Green, founder and CEO of the company, staring at me from the cover of his book, More than a Hobby.  By the time I start wondering what’s in his book and whether I should buy it, I’m usually checked out and on my way to do something crafty.

Last week when I found David Green staring out at me from his cover on a library bookshelf, I grabbed him up and checked him out because I really was interested in learning How a $600 Start-up Became America’s Home and Craft Superstore. Green is a likeable guy – the black sheep merchant from a family of ministers.  In his book he details how he developed the idea of Hobby Lobby and how he runs the largest, privately owned arts and crafts retail business in the world.

Don’t expect to find discussions of theory or business buzzwords in his book.  Green is a practical guy who tells stories from the trenches, so to speak.  Chapter 4 “90% Off??” was the most interesting to me because it described some of the nuances and complexities involved in doing business in the global economy.

I enjoyed the book and the take-home message:  You can run a successful business and still maintain your faith, integrity and family.

Enlightenment Day 489

This time last year I was trying to figure out how to be a vegetarian and documenting my trials and tribulations in obnoxious detail.   Although I had been working at it for five months, by May 15, 2011 I had only made it without meat for two consecutive weeks (Enlightenment Day 125).

A year later, I’m happy to report that I have finally got the vegetarian thing on automatic. The hardest part of the conversion was dealing with hamburger cravings, especially in the summer when all my family’s gatherings traditionally revolve around eating them.

The media successfully made hamburgers much less appealing to me recently with the ”pink slime” reports.  Apparently, 70% of beef products in our country contain this additive which consists of various cow parts glooped together and then gassed with ammonia to disinfect the concoction.  Yum!

This isn’t brand new news…we’ve known about this at least since 2009.

And the beef industries comeback?

“Beef is beef.”

…Yes, thank you…I’ll have the veggies.

It’s so good to be home!

 

Yesterday a group of belly dancers represented Memphis in Shimmy Mob, an international flashmob event designed to raise funds for women’s and children’s shelters in local communities.  It was an honor to dance with this group of ladies.

Many thanks to Debra Parmley for organizing the event, to Jasmine  of Dance with Jasmine for leading choreography practices, and to the folks at Singleton Community Center and the Buckman Performing and Fine Arts Center for donating practice space!

And of course, a big thank you to the YWCA of Greater Memphis for the work they do in our community.

Thanks also to Liz London of Memphis Raqs who donated the proceeds of her show last night to the shelter.

 

Yoga & Determination

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built.

~Rumi

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Just one of the many things to love about yoga…..